Non Dual Therapy Training part 2 in Kiev

Relating – Second Chakra
The other is not the problem

In the first chakra sex is a biological force! The second chakra is often associated with sensuality, and in the second we can enjoy sex. In the first we are forced to do it, in the second we are dealing with relating, feelings and sensuality.

Relating is maybe the most difficult, but also the most supporting for growth. Since relationships are such strong mirrors it can help us to see where we are identified.


Connected with intimacy

Relationship is very deeply connected with intimacy. Life seems empty and meaningless without intimacy so everybody is longing for intimacy! On the other hand for most of us intimacy is also very scary, since we become totally naked and vulnerable. This becomes very obvious in our relationships. We want to come close and meet, but this is dangerous because coming close is only possible when we put down our protections and armour. In doing this we can be hurt very easy.

For relating to be constructive and something that can help us to grow, it is important that we can work with our projections.

Seneca the stoic says.

“If you believe that the other is the reason for your problems you are
totally wrong. If you see that you yourself is the reason for your trouble
you are on the right course. When you realize no one is responsible for
the problem you are home.”

In this second part of the training we will try to use the dark clouds as a jumping board back to source. We will learn to make the mind whole by working with Gestalt Therapy, projections, and relating to a point where there is no “me” and no “other”.

Some principles in relating are:

  1. You cannot be in a relationship if you cannot relax and enjoy your own company.
  2. You’d better settle with the possibility that your partner never changes, and if the change should somehow happen it will not be because of you desiring it.
  3. There is nothing to get in a relationship – there may be something to share.
  4. There are no problems to be solved in a relationship –there are matters to dissolve.
  5. The happiness you may experience in a relationship is not coming from the partner – it is arising from you own being.

On this level the Psychologist Carl Gustav Jung talks about integrating the Anima and Animus (the inner woman and the inner man). Here it is important to see how we project our gender polarity out on a partner. When the projection is embraced there is a possibility to relax the mind and go deeper.

When we are making love

When we are making love there are not only “two” in the bed. There are many people. The parents, the grand-parents, the grand-grand-parents and finally the imaginations (dream people)

The parents and the way we were brought up will color and partly determinate who we fall in love with and why. Many people just find replicas for their dad and mom. Working with Gestalt Therapy can help you to see this and to relax some of these deep patterns.

The next layer is our fantasies and projections; what Jung calls Anima and Animus.

Projection of her ideal man

In one of my satsangs a woman declared that she had found the man of her life. I asked her to visualize him in front of her. She did and became very happy. I asked her “what makes you so happy?” And she explained how wonderful he is, the way he looks the way he behaves. It was all great superlatives. This is a projection of her ideal man; the man ideal she carries inside her. Jung calls this the Animus. I then asked her to feel all these great qualities as herself (taking back the projections). She was very reluctant to do that, as most people are. Being responsible for our projections we are scared of losing the dream (romantic love.) The woman did take back the projections with some hesitation and she relaxed into herself. I then asked her to relax here now and not to identify with any thoughts. Her whole being started to expand and she was overwhelmed by freedom and blissfulness.


In Non Dual Therapy (NDT) we go even deeper than the Jungian psychology. For him the Anima/Animus is something at the level personal unconscious/impersonal unconscious. Jung was not awakened so he was differentiating and separating. He stopped with the concept “impersonal unconscious.” Jung did not know that all these terms are just imaginations – mental constructions. He thought they were real, he did not know that everything is ultimately one essence. He stopped after helping people being responsible for projections.

With this woman I took it further, because she was still not home just being responsible for her positive projections (Animus projection) on the man. When she became responsible for her Animus projection her mind became whole, that is why she felt good and relaxed. If I had asked her to look at the man from here, she would much likely have looked at him with loving, but not needy eyes.

There could have been a possibility for a meeting with the real man and not the man of her projection (Animus). He would also have felt met if he had been physical present. When you are projecting on someone the person doesn’t feel seen, and this creates problems and arguments. Now her mind was whole for a moment so she could leave it. I asked her to relax here and not conceptualise – not think. Since the mind was relaxed in this moment, it was possible to help her into her truth. Who we are is present in its glory before the mind arises, so in a moment of trust it can happen that there is a gentle shift and there is freedom.

The happiness you feel

I could also have asked the woman to go directly home, but this is more difficult. How would I do that?  By asking her, “The happiness you feel now is that happiness coming from him?” She may say “Yes.” Then I would ask her, “How is he getting it into you?” She would now get the point that the happiness is something that arises inside her when he is present. He is not putting it into you he is mirroring her happiness! Being in touch with her own happiness I would then ask her, “What is the source of this happiness?”, and she could have realized the truth of her own being through that very question, because everything we experience has the same source. It is that it is easy to see this with happiness because when we are happy there is hardly any separation. We can let go and fall into the Source.


Love and other positive feelings

Love and other positive feelings is a great way to awakening because when we are happy there is contentment. When there is contentment there are no desires and therefore no past or future. We are here now and it is easy to relax deeper into Source.