Wanting what is
All there is is consciousness.
Consciousness as forms is the same as empty consciousness.
Consciousness as forms is manifestation; experiences, perceptions, feelings, and thoughts. The empty consciousness is similar to awareness. Inherent in the consciousness as forms is the empty consciousness. Awakening is to realize that consciousness as forms is identical with the empty consciousness.
It is not conceptual understanding, it is existential. Conceptual understanding is of the brain, leaving the body untouched. Existential understanding is the experience as if the whole body is permeated by a living presence – consciousness. You are in it and you are it. The main reason why we don’t realize this – that consciousness with forms is identical with the empty consciousness – is that we are always agitated! Consciousness is fighting itself. A thought or feeling arises and either we are in favour of it, want it and grasp for it, or we are against it and fighting it.
We are rarely resting in what is, as it is.
To learn to rest in what is, as it is, meditation can be a great help. Watching the mind we can’t help to see this deep tendency to grasp and reject. The very awareness of this will finally stop the fight.
Another direct approach is to “want what is happening now.” Usually we are always wanting this moment to be different. This is called “desires”. We cannot believe that this moment can contain what we desperately long for. This grey moment? No! It must be in the future.
The reason why we don’t wake up is that we want this moment to be different and that makes the mind fight itself. It is like one hand fighting the other, who can win?
Wanting this moment makes the fight stop.
Something is happening as always in your life! Stop and see if you can want it totally. Your boyfriend leaves you and you are full of pain. Your whole being is discussing what went wrong, what you could have done differently. You don’t want life the way it is right here and now, so you struggle. The pain that you are experiencing is not coming from the fact that your boyfriend has gone! The pain is the result of you not being able to accept what has happened..
Most people believe that they are in charge of their lives, that they are responsible for their actions. They believe that they have a personal will. If you dare to look underneath the dashboard you will see that you are not steering the car; that there is actually no connection between the steering wheel and the running wheel. Seeing this, is liberation.
The main reason for fighting, and the consequential pain that arises, is that we believe there is a “me” that could have acted otherwise. This Dharmadoor is building on the reality that there never was anyone with a private will! There is only the great will. You are just confirming the fact that there is only that great will.
If you will totally what is, you are free, because in that moment the fight stops. The truth stops the fight.
This is the Dharmadoor: “I want this moment totally and nothing else. Yes, I will all this. It must happen exactly as it is happening, so now it is also my will.”